1) Why did the melon cross the road? To prove it wasn't a chicken.
2) How do bananas greet each other? With a banana shake.
3) Why did the pineapple go out with a prune? Because he couldn't find a date.
4) Why did the tomato turn red? Because she saw the salad dressing.
5) What kind of flower looks out of place in a vase? A cauliflower.
6) How did the blond woman break her leg raking leaves?
She fell out of the tree.
7) Another blond woman was driving speedily along a road when a police officer pulled her over. He asked to see her driver's license. She fumbled in her large purse, found her wallet and discovered that her driver's license wasn't in it. The blond woman bobbed her head from side to side while saying, "I don't remember if I left it in my home at the office." The police office rolled his eyes, and said, "Lady, I'm going to have to see some form of photo i.d." She fumbled in her large purse again, found her compact, looked lovingly into its little mirror, then handed it to the police officer. He looked in the mirror for a spell, then slapped closed the compact and handed it back to the blond woman. He said, "Sorry Lady, If I'd known you were an officer, I would have never pulled you over." (The officer was a brunette.)
8) What happened to the raw vegan-friendly dog who could not bite into the organic watermelon? She became a melon collie.
9) What did one mildly-romantic melon say to the other? I'm sorry honey dew, I canteloupe.
10) Health Tip: Keep in mind that eating your lawn is more nutritious than mowing it
11) Glad Recipe: Fresh Organic Lawn Juice. This is not a joke. Weeds & grasses create a powerful cleanse.
12) An organic salad walks into a bar. "Sorry" says the bartender. "We don't serve food here."
13) Practice safe eating - always use *condiments. [*preferably organic local raw vegan-friendly]
14) How to be chubby on a raw vegan diet? Be a light eater. When it gets light, start eating.
15) My wife is on a fruitarian ditto ~ coconuts, papayas and bananas. She hasn't lost weight, but she can now climb a tree.
